Are you confused about whether to separate or work on your marriage? Are you caught in the question of should I stay or go? If so, this is one of the most difficult spots to be in, don’t you think?

I have a particular bias about this question. I believe that, unless there is abuse and the marriage is not safe, it benefits you to set aside a period of time and really try to improve your relationship. I think this is particularly important if children are involved. I like to help couples see what is possible for their marriage before they call it quits. At this point the issue is not if you’re committed for life but if you can commit to working hard so that you’ll know if it’s possible to rebuild your relationship.

Couples often ask if a separation is dangerous to the marriage. In other words,”is it less likely that we’ll ultimately stay together if we separate?” This is a very good question but there isn’t one right answer. Sometimes a controlled separation is agreed to, which means that the couple agrees to the terms of the separation. It can be seen as “taking a break” halting the move toward divorce. Both partners agree that they will not see lawyers or file for divorce during the separation. Questions are discussed, such as whether dating will occur, either dating each other or dating outside the marriage. Usually there is a written contract to eliminate the uncertainty and insecurity that can become toxic in a troubled relationship. Often the couple agrees to continue to attend therapy sessions. Discussing this decision in couples therapy is especially appropriate if the path is unclear to one or both of you.

Call Roseanna Zoubek at 973 731-1551 to schedule a consultation. You will want to have a Marriage Counselor who will work as hard as possible to assist you in figuring out this critical question.


We would recommend Roseanna to anyone we know who may be struggling with their relationship. The success that we have achieved in saving our relationship is a testament to the dynamic counseling skills that she possesses. We were amazed to discover how quickly Roseanna grasped our core issues, and with a caring, fair, firm, and supportive hand led us down the right path. Thanks to Roseanna we are now a….

Happy Couple in South Orange