DISCERNMENT COUNSELING

Considering a divorce? DISCERNMENT COUNSELING can help.

If you're not sure that you want to work on your marriage, consider DISCERNMENT COUNSELING.

As an experienced Couples' Counselor, I have worked with dozens of couples where one or both spouses are confused about whether they want to work on the marriage or "throw in the towel." They think:
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What's the point of trying
We've tried everything
He/She will never change
I'm just not "in love" anymore
Marriage Counseling won't work
Then it comes time to make a move and they start thinking about the kids, their history together, the financial mess that will result - and they become ambivalent. This is even harder when the other spouse is fighting to keep the marriage and wants to get help.

If they do go to Marriage Counseling with this mixed agenda, the likelihood is that it won't succeed. The process is undermined unless the ambivalence is addressed FIRST.

WHO IS DISCERNMENT COUNSELING FOR?

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING is for unhappily married couples who want to figure out if the best solution to their unhappiness is to call it quits or to try Marriage Counseling. It aims to help struggling couples decide to improve the marriage or let it go. It is NOT Marriage Counseling.

Usually one spouse is LEANING IN (the one who wants to stay and do the work to improve) and one spouse is LEANING OUT (the one who is pretty sure they want out and is confused about whether they event want to try). This is unlike traditional Marriage Counseling which assumes both spouses are committed to the process. In DISCERNMENT COUNSELING, both perspectives of the LEANING IN and the LEANING OUT spouse are honored.

In DISCERNMENT COUNSELING you can expect to:
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gain clarity and confidence about what steps to take next with your marriage
develop a deeper understanding of what happened to your marriage
look at "three sides" of your problems: yours, your spouse's, and that of an objective third party
make a good decision about whether to move toward divorce, or make one last try to restore the marriage to health

WHAT DOES DISCERNMENT COUNSELING INVOLVE?

I help couples choose among three options: moving towards divorce, carving out a period of time for an all-out effort to preserve the marriage, or agreeing to decide later. The sessions are divided between conversation with the couple together and individual conversations with each spouse.

I respect the reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health. I help both partners see their individual contributions to the problems and to possible solutions. Understanding what you've contributed to the marriage problems can be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING is considered successful when people have clarity and confidence in their decision, and when they more fully understand what's happened to their relationship.

HOW MANY SESSIONS ARE THERE?

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING can be as brief as one session and as long as five sessions. You decide each time whether to come back for a subsequent session. The sessions are usually 1.5 - 2 hours.

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING is not suitable when:
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One partner is coercing the other to participate via threats of any kind
One partner has made a final, irrevocable decision to divorce and only wants counseling to encourage the other spouse to accept that decision
There is a danger of domestic violence
There is an Order of Protection from a Court

HOW DO YOU GET STARTED?

Call Roseanna Zoubek at 973.731.1551 to discuss the suitability of DISCERNMENT COUNSELING for your particular situation. Don't be one of those spouses who regret later that they didn't try everything to save their marriage. You deserve peace of mind as you make one of the most important decisions of your life.

I wish you well during this stressful time and I am here to support you no matter what your final outcome may be.


MORE ABOUT DISCERNMENT COUNSELING

DISCERNMENT COUNSELING (Couples on the Brink) was originated by Dr. William Doherty of the Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project. I have undergone extensive training directly with Dr. Doherty and offer this approach as part of my work with couples.

The Wall Street Journal recently covered this topic in an article called "When It's Just Another FIght, and When It's Over.





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TESTIMONIAL

We would recommend Roseanna to anyone we know who may be struggling with their relationship. The success that we have achieved in saving our relationship is a testament to the dynamic counseling skills that she possesses. We were amazed to discover how quickly Roseanna grasped our core issues, and with a caring, fair, firm, and supportive hand led us down the right path. Thanks to Roseanna we are now a….

Happy Couple in South Orange